Didn't ride for 10 days as I *did* my back.  Rode yesterday and today.  Easing both of us back into it.  Now that he's shod want to get us fit.  Yesterday rode partly up Wayne's Mountain.  Balthazar, poor boy, had that foamy sweat afterwards.  Today, as we've had some rain and the road has a tiny bit of 'give' in it, we walked/trotted to Jackson's Yards and back.  More rain today so more road work tomorrow.  As this rain is unusual for this time of year it won't be long before any trot or canter work can only be done in the arena so while there is the opportunity I intend to take advantage of it.  Otherwise the road is too hard and too concussive.

Saw Peter the other day.  He's going to work with Rebel, hopefully ride him and get him fit too.  Peter has great but somewhat arduous tracks around his property.  Would be lovely to explore them but unfair to do so on unfit horses.  Would like to have Balthazar fit enough to float him over to Spinach Creek and  ride up and meet Peter, do the exploratory ride then return to the float and home.  I've got the tracks here to accomplish that level of fitness. 

Also just need consistent bum time in saddle.  He's alternately antsy (he had a huge spook and spin at some twittery birds in the bushes today) or lazy.  Know from my endurance training days that alot of what's perceived as *wrong* with a horse stems from not spending enough time riding them.  As they get used to being out and about, and none of that out and about time is a big deal, they settle down and become terrific companions. 

Have ridden 4 or 5 times without writing.  Had a really terrible session.  One of the worst feelings to have is shame and after that session I was ashamed of myself.  I lost my temper.  I became hard and predatory and mean.  All because Balthazar would not full pass, under saddle, from left to right, over a witches hat.  Online he would do it, under saddle he'd go backwards or into my left leg instead of yielding away from it.  I got up him in a big way.  He did it finally but he was stressed and afraid.  The very worst elements of me had control.  Me, the part of me I try and cultivate and live by, was subsumed by this impatient, hard and vengeful monster.  Awful awful day.

I waited a day and then had another go.  The humbling thing about horses is that although they remember they always forgive.  Balthazar didn't trust me and why should he?  I had proven myself untrustworthy but it didn't take long before we were back where we had been.  I was very careful, very quiet, very patient and very humbled by him.  Under saddle when he wanted to go backwards I let him.  I even encouraged him (but not in a mean way - the residue of shame, so acidic and painful was still with me).  It worked however.  Balthazar went backwards 10 or 12 steps quite willingly the first time, not so willingly the second time and with head tossing the third time even though he backed with impulsion.  I'd figured him out.  He gave up and went over the witches hat quite readily and has done so a couple of times since. 

Got him shod on Monday and took him out yesterday.  We did the loop through Leroy's, down a portion of Beutel's Rd and back through the paddock.  Unfortunately the track along the fence in the paddock was blocked by a fallen tree.  There was no way to continue, if I didn't want to retrace our steps, but to bush bash through mats of lantana, much of it higher than my head, up a steep hill with Balthazar in tow. 

What a horse.  I had to stop on these steep slopes and break branches so we could get through.  He didn't panic at the close confines (a cougar could've been lurking in the bush, how was he to know?) and didn't climb on top of me either.  We made it through and home without incident.  I was very proud of him even though he was really up on his toes because of the new route.  Will have to do it often enough to a) make it old hat so that he can be relaxed and b) make a good path through the lantana. 

I made him walk the whole way because he was so up and excitable.  Didn't have to fight him to restrain him, just ask and keep my butt and breathing relaxed.  It wouldn't have taken much for him to go over the top which was why I wanted him to stay calm.  The interesting thing I noticed with all this slow hill work was the accentuation of the muscles behind the saddle.  Very impressive.  Now that he's shod I intend to get him much fitter - not endurance fit but enough that we can do some longer rides through the bush which around here means hills.

Did the 6km ride again but with more grazing and/or walking breaks.  He wasn't physically stressed this time (still unsure whether he was previously).  Dead wallaby on the side of the road, starting to bloat.  Balthazar unnverved at the sight of it.  Dismounted (wanted to check whether it had a joey but it was male).   Balthazar was ready to bolt anyway so it was just easier to bail, check the wallaby and then lead him past it.  

Balthazar is not a spooky horse but the wallaby affected him so that he was frightened of two young bulls that live loose on the road and he was even aquiver at the sight of half a dozen wrens having a meeting on the gravel.  Took him a good 20 minutes to regain his composure.  What helped, of course, was grazing.

I'm attempting to do something with him most days.  Yesterday I got him out of the paddock at the usual time but instead of riding him I just took him for pick.  Haven't devoted a day to groundwork.  I keep losing enthusiasm for it.  I don't like the look in his eye when I am making him do things.   I'm pushing him around without hitting him but it's still a dominance thing.  I've read of relationships between horse and man (or woman) that doesn't depend upon dominance.  I want Balthazar to respect me but not sure that pushing him here and pushing him there ....

Balthazar has always nipped when having his chest touched.  Not biting, usually he doesn't even make contact but the threat is there, ears pinned, the quick dart of the head. Even having my hands in that area without touching him can elicit the same response.  The other day I had a damp towel that I was using to wipe the sweat away rather than hose him (water too cold now).  I suspect he aimed badly because he actually made contact.  My reaction was instinctive and instanteous, I swatted him with the towel - not hard, didn't even make a sound even so a sizeable yellow thing streaked toward his upper neck.  Balthazar ducked to avoid it.  I think we were both ashamed.  And it made me think.

I am determined that we will be buddies, that we will trust one another.  Since the above episode when handling the buckle on the front of his rug I go so slowly, break it down into long seconds so that he has no reason to object.  And I talk to him while I'm doing it.  He's so much better about getting saddled that I'm sure we can overcome this.  I can rub his chest when he is grazing or when we are away from the saddling up area so it's only an unpleasant association not the sensation itself.