Have ridden 4 or 5 times without writing.  Had a really terrible session.  One of the worst feelings to have is shame and after that session I was ashamed of myself.  I lost my temper.  I became hard and predatory and mean.  All because Balthazar would not full pass, under saddle, from left to right, over a witches hat.  Online he would do it, under saddle he'd go backwards or into my left leg instead of yielding away from it.  I got up him in a big way.  He did it finally but he was stressed and afraid.  The very worst elements of me had control.  Me, the part of me I try and cultivate and live by, was subsumed by this impatient, hard and vengeful monster.  Awful awful day.

I waited a day and then had another go.  The humbling thing about horses is that although they remember they always forgive.  Balthazar didn't trust me and why should he?  I had proven myself untrustworthy but it didn't take long before we were back where we had been.  I was very careful, very quiet, very patient and very humbled by him.  Under saddle when he wanted to go backwards I let him.  I even encouraged him (but not in a mean way - the residue of shame, so acidic and painful was still with me).  It worked however.  Balthazar went backwards 10 or 12 steps quite willingly the first time, not so willingly the second time and with head tossing the third time even though he backed with impulsion.  I'd figured him out.  He gave up and went over the witches hat quite readily and has done so a couple of times since. 

Got him shod on Monday and took him out yesterday.  We did the loop through Leroy's, down a portion of Beutel's Rd and back through the paddock.  Unfortunately the track along the fence in the paddock was blocked by a fallen tree.  There was no way to continue, if I didn't want to retrace our steps, but to bush bash through mats of lantana, much of it higher than my head, up a steep hill with Balthazar in tow. 

What a horse.  I had to stop on these steep slopes and break branches so we could get through.  He didn't panic at the close confines (a cougar could've been lurking in the bush, how was he to know?) and didn't climb on top of me either.  We made it through and home without incident.  I was very proud of him even though he was really up on his toes because of the new route.  Will have to do it often enough to a) make it old hat so that he can be relaxed and b) make a good path through the lantana. 

I made him walk the whole way because he was so up and excitable.  Didn't have to fight him to restrain him, just ask and keep my butt and breathing relaxed.  It wouldn't have taken much for him to go over the top which was why I wanted him to stay calm.  The interesting thing I noticed with all this slow hill work was the accentuation of the muscles behind the saddle.  Very impressive.  Now that he's shod I intend to get him much fitter - not endurance fit but enough that we can do some longer rides through the bush which around here means hills.