Had a play with Balthazar last night and was very pleased. Think sometimes because I feel somewhat guilty in asking him to do anything, I mean he doesn't work for me, does he? Does he have a choice? And because of that my cues are fraught with doubt. Not that they aren't clear, or as clear as my level of expertise can make them, but I am sending mixed messages because I am not certain that he shouldn't just be left alone in the paddock with his mates. Who am I to tell him what to do? That's why forming some kind of relationship with him is so important. To allay my guilt if nothing else.

Anyway, we did some pretty nice yields of the fore and hindquarter. Even asked and got complete circles which I usually don't ask for. Then asked for some circling and he started off very uninspired and soon ran out of gas entirely. Gave him a big surge of my energy and got him trotting and listening, both ways. Then again I was lost a bit. Do I drill when he's already done it? What now? Decided to take him through to the grass above the septic tank which is alluringly green and fresh as a reward before letting him loose. Came through the gate and thought why don't I try and drive him rather than leading (leading is a whole 'nother subject - no contact, just the weight of the rope and my intention. When we were grooming he decided he'd graze - don't tie him any longer - told him 'no' with body language and that was that. He didn't make another attempt but stood stock still while I finished).

So we were through the gate and I was trying not to move my feet to drive him but to move his. Backfired at first because he backed instead of going forward but we soon got our conversation going and he allowed himself to be driven, at the trot, to the tank. Then had the bright idea of stopping him grazing and then allowing him (part of the Waterhole Ritual). That was illuminating. At first he said no and tried to graze but I drove him off again. He paid attention then. Waited a moment and then invited him to graze. Did that once more and then drove him back to the gate where I invited him to graze on some grass there.

This morning when I went to say hello Balthazar didn't smell and then make a nipping gesture as usual. He politely smelled back. I invited him to companion walk with me and he did. Immediately. It was great.

I'm starting to think that less is more. Nothing would've been gained by going on and on yesterday. Certainly there is huge room for improvement but when we just play around with it, looking for small gains in alacrity, precision, etc. we will still get there in the end - with a horse that is willing to work rather than yawning or worse, wrinkling his muzzle in resentment. One other thing I tried yesterday was getting him to move his off side front foot onto a poinciana seed pod while I stayed in one spot. He did brilliantly - about 4 inches away. That was close enough because he really paid attention and tried.

A few days ago I spent some time Sharing Territory with 'the boys' in the creek paddock. I was amazed and humbled when Balthazar came over and stood with his muzzle lightly resting against my forehead. He stayed like that for 3 or 4 minutes then wandered off. (Have a suspicions that I wrote of this already but perhaps it's because I told Peter about it. If I have written about this, too bad).

This behaviour, almost too cold a word for it, is astounding considering where we were with the clicker training. He didn't move and neither did I except to gently scratch under his forelock. It was as though he recognized that I am trying to make amends for being so blind before.

And then of course I went back to hard and insistent last night when I again tried to teach him head down with four phases of pressure with no success. He didn't budge. I had my fingers pressed firmly into the flesh behind his ears and he did nothing. I waited. He did nothing.

This morning it occurred to me, as that was the second time I tried teaching him head down in that manner, that it wasn't working, so what was I doing continuing? It's the same blind mindset which has lead to blind ends before. This is what it says so this is what I'll do and if I continue long enough we'll have a breakthrough. But this is Balthazar we're talking about. Balthazar with the baggage I've given him in addition to the baggage accrued at the racetrack and the baggage picked up while being retrained as a showjumper. If an approach doesn't show any indication of working within a reasonable time than it is time to rethink things. At least it's taken me a few days rather than months to realize that this particular approach wasn't working.

Tonight, as it was beginning to rain, I did very little. (Last night was grooming and the abortive head down exercise). They'd finished eating the hay which is put out on rainy days or Saturdays (or both) so went out to say hello to everyone. Pagan is always fine, ears pricked and happy to exchange breath. Dakota started to look away so I backed off. He pricked his ears with a real look of surprise - you've never said hello propertly before! and then smelled noses with me. Balthazar nickered, walked over, smelled my hands for carrots (none) and then when no carrots were forthcoming, pinned his ears a little and made to nip my face (he never does it's just a shallow show of strength). I gently asked him to move his feet and then, after a moment or two, approached him again. Again, he walked toward me, smelled my hands but didn't say hello. I retreated, waited and then tried again. This time I got a friendly hello and a short companion walk. Bingo! Luxurated in that awhile and then asked him to walk forward a few steps with 'leading from behind'. He did and I quit.

Haven't written in a few days although I've been steadily working with Balthazar. Had to stop and regroup. As usual I was in too much of a hurry, pushing hard and generally making a mess of things. This is despite trying to go slow and easy. Tonight I did nothing but shared territory and got brilliant results. Well, almost nothing.

When Balthazar has his feed in his tub and I or anyone walks by he bobs his head with his ears pinned. Mine, he says. I've combated this (combat being the appropriate word) by making him 'move his feet'. Tonight I took my little fold up stool and sat in the corner of the stall while he ate. He was unperturbed. Usually when he finishes he faces north, looking across the paddock. Tonight he faced SE so that he would be near me. He slobbered on me while smelling me all over. He 'lipped' me a couple of times but I just gently pushed his head away. When he returned to his feed bin, which was already licked clean, I moved to the SW corner of the stall. He followed me and put his head between my knees while I scratched him under his forelock. After a while I got up and let him out while I tidied up the bins and let the others out. He companion walked with me to the paddock followed by the other two, then the horse hierarchy took over and he was relegated to the end of the line. All the horses followed me to the front paddock and on to the SW corner. We admired the view and then walked, all three of us again, to the NW corner where, after again admiring the view with them, I slipped through the fence and picked them some grass.

It was such a small thing, this meandering with the horses, but beautiful. I was so chuffed that Balthazar seemed quite happy to hang out with me in the stall. His eye was soft and he didn't mind when, while he was standing over me so that when I looked up I saw the underside of his neck and head, that I scratched his chest and shoulder, areas which usually elicit pinned ears and a bite at his chest.

Balthazar and I, just in the past few days, have developed a communication and a relationship unlike anything we've had before. For the first time since I've owned him I count him friend - and friendly. It is raining this evening so we only played around in the stall and in the yards. Initially thought I'd only go down and share territory. He'd finished dinner and was standing with his head out the opposite door (the stall has two doors at catty corner ends). I went and stood in the opposite corner, relaxed and leaning on the rail. I just looked at him. Not hard, just softly. There is much to admire with just looking anyway. After a few moments he turned towards me, licked the feed bin on the way and stood in front of me with his head at my knees. I scratched around his ears where he likes it. He smelled down my legs paying particular attention to the gum boots. When he raised his head I continued scratching. He stepped in too close at one point and I just asked, with my hand stroking the air in front of his nose, to step back. He did.

I left the stall and invited him to come with me. He did. Without knowing how I got a lot of two eye contact. Noticed when I walked toward him he'd swing his head away so I'd stop and back away a step or just make my body smaller and he'd swing his head toward me again. It was low key, slow and relaxed, and very illuminating. He did a little companion walking, a little quiet bonding, one horse to person, and a bit of two eye contact.

I've finally found a way to be buddies with Balthazar that doesn't involve food (which puts the emphasis on treats rather than on true communication between horse and woman) nor does it involve Dominance as touted in much of the NH literature.

It is true that there usually is a dominant horse and a leader horse in a herd. At least in my small group of three, Ill-tempered, quick to kick, Dakota is the dominant horse but Pagan is the leader. Funny how I never saw that before reading Farah DeJohnette's blog (http://www.fdhorsemanship.com/)and looking into Carolyn Resnick's work (www.carolynresnickblog.com).

O

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Sharing Territory

Took my little 3 legged collapsible stool into the Geldings Paddock to Share Territory with the boys. Balthazar came over to check me out and walked toward me another time before veering off (in a leisurely fashion) but it was valuable nevertheless. As they worked their way around the paddock I'd pick up my stool and relocate. Looking at the surrounding hills from a different vantage point was lovely. I've walked in that paddock many times but haven't just stopped and looked around, except in a cursory way. Spending time with nothing to do but look was calming - just as I was supposed to be during this Sharing of Territory.

After feeding up I let Balthazar out of the stall and he immediately joined the others. I did a little hand waving to move him away which he ignored. To get my energy up and get some movement I jumped in the air and clapped my hands. He moved and then did a bit of a companion walk with me. But it was after I stopped *trying* so hard that we had the best interaction. He came over and put his head in my chest again for a head rub.

Let the others out and I led them to the front paddock. Pagan was the best Companion Walker. He followed me with only one small deviation to the mugga ironbark. He even walked across the electrical poles to stay with me. Balthazar waited in the yards for a while and then joined us. Tried to encourage a trot from the horses by trotting and *cantering* myself but didn't get a response. When the others tired of the game, Balthazar was still *with* me. It was lovely, just lovely, to hug and kiss them all goodnight in the fading light. Felt like a child again when it was enough to be around horses without expectations.

Have to say the difference between working with Balthazar with c/t and the Waterhole Ritual - or whatever this is that I'm trying to do, bonding with Balthazar on his terms (mostly) is as different as salt and pepper. We're both relaxed. We're communiating. It is more a conversation than a declamatory monologue by me. He's happier and so am I.

Peter has sent me a link to a video clip of a horse before and after Parelli (a Parelli makeover I think it was called). I do think the Parelli method works, that it is effective and has helped thousands of horses and their owners to find a common ground. But still, there is something about it that is not quite the fit, for me, that I'm looking for. I remember the Faulkner clinics I attended. There were times, quite a few times, when Balthazar or I were stressed. Me being stressed is one thing, usually brought about because I don't know what I'm doing and get nervous about failing in front of evryone, but having Balthazar nervous is another kettle of fish altogether. How can anyone learn when they are stressed or frightened or both? I think going back to basic communication *on his terms* is something that will form a bond that we've never had before. I see signs of it already.

I know I am the chameleon of change in some ways, although I certainly gave c/t a long and best shot before giving it up. It's just that I'm on a quest to find the most successful and, for want of a better word, spiritual path upon which Balthazar and I may walk together. Using force, which I am wont to do because of my short attention span and impatience (something I am trying to counteract with yoga and meditation), is the easy way, the way I often take. I don't want that anymore. I want to be a better person and a better horseowner.

Waterhole Ritual and Liberty

The other day I had a stab at using the Waterhole Ritual (Carolyn Resnick, http://www.carolynresnickblog.com) that I'd read about in Farah Delohnette's blog. Just picking up bits and pieces from watching a video on FD's blog in which she uses it with a horse at liberty in the paddock. Despite knowing nothing and only feeling my way, there was definitely a connection. I used it again this evening before haltering up and going into the paddock and afterwards when we'd finished and I removed the halter. Tried leading by following which was interesting too. As I was herding him back towards his buddies

We did a few of the Parelli Games. Only the circling was problematic. He'd poop out at the walk or trot and stop or downshift into a lower gear. I had to chase him to make him keep going but once he got the idea I'd leave him alone if he kept going he did keep going. Despite that the entire session was very nice. I got him to sidestep one step either way, to the left and to the right. The reward is a break and a head rub. I think he enjoyed the head rub. He'd stand with his head lowered into my chest but not pushing into me. Standing quietly and with pleasure while I rubbed his face and under his forelock. I also placed him near a randomly chosen stick without moving my feet.

The only fly in the ointment was chasing him to make him circle with the energy he started with. He kept stopping and turning into me or stopping altogether. I know I chased him too much and will have to find a different way to get the energy and committment needed to keep him on track.

I feel like I'm on another journey to find a connection with Balthazar, one in which that 'invitation to ride' will come. Standing tonight rubbing under his forelock and seeing him standing so quietly and at ease was joyous. We ended on a good note; no stallion behaviour, no evading, no sweating, no quitting. Yes, I had a halter on him but when I took it off and he followed me into the yards and then I 'led from behind' to send him to the gate of the back paddock while all the while he remained relaxed yet focussed on me, was wonderful.

Balthazar's is Back!

He's back! Last night I had a session *sans* carrots, only working on a few of the 7 games; circling, porcupine, yo yo, and he was great. More importantly, Balthazar was himself. Yes, he had an erection but the difference in his behaviour, in the look in his eye, was extraordinary. I think now why did I struggle for so long with something that wasn't working? Because I wanted to have a true partnership, because I wanted a volunteer not someone who was complying because of pressure. But it wasn't going to happen. Instead I was creating a monster. Perhaps someone like Alexandra Kurland would find their way through the labyrinth and discover the happy cooperation at the end. It finally became obvious that I couldn't. I think I finally realized this when it clicked, no pun intended, that a sweating horse is not a relaxed horse. How could I be so blind?

Balthazar started to sweat while I was grooming him but as he had no carrots, not even when I put a halter on him in the stall, it didn't increase. When he was circling he had an erection but as I asked him to trot and to keep trotting, it behooved him to put it away. But those are minor things, it was his difference in attitude. It was like he'd been away but had come home. We both knew our roles and because it was familiar, maybe not ideal but familiar, he relaxed. I can't stress the difference in attitude enough. I was rusty in my cues and found I had to bite my tonge in an effort to not, quite naturally, say 'Good Boy!' but as that was his bridge cue, I had to either say nothing or use other words.

At the end I removed the halter as his treat and he had a companion walk with me back to the yards. I scratched his ears and his neck which he seemed to enjoy. This morning I kissed/smelled his muzzle before letting him out and he seemed comfortable with that. Previously he'd try to nibble or smell my hands, treat looking.

Looking at it now, it was as though Balthazar was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, he wanted the carrots, what horse wouldn't? On the other hand, having carrots meant this sexual arousal which while intense, was never satisfied. There was every indication that it was uncomfortable. No wonder he didn't want to be around me. He would nicker and he even trotted over a couple of times but just as often he behaved as though he didn't want to be near me. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to me now that we're doing regular work.

It will also be interesting because I will start riding hin again. Instead of a goal that was so far distant that it was almost unattainable I could be riding him next week. He has to get used to wearing his boots and I have to remove the house spiders which have taken up residence under the saddle flaps but those are minor things. Also have to try his new bitless bridle on him to see if it fits. Other than that and my own trepidation because I haven't ridden in so long, there are no barriers.

I plan to work on one rein stops and one rein riding. I am hopeful that I can incorporate c/t in rest breaks, grazing and scratches, anything other than food. Will have to feel my way. It's like starting all over again. Exciting though.

Quitting c/t

It's quarter after one in the morning and I can't sleep for thinking of this. Today we had one session. The first thing he did was come over and bite my head. Gnaw more like it. It didn't hurt but it kind of sums up where we are. Which is really pretty much nowhere. I know I need to take me and my desires out of the equation but I seem unable to do that. I want a horse that is happy to be with me - not over his herd mates but is happy enough to hang out. What I've got is a horse that is torn. On the one hand he does want the carrots but having carrots means he is so stressed that he sweats. When I take him to the gate to start grooming he begins to sweat. That is not a relaxed horse. Leaving everything else out of it; poisoned cues, evasions, etc. This is a tense and sweating horse. Drifter used to *drop* but he never became sexually aroused. The other two geldings, I don't think they even drop when I work with them but Balthazar gets so excited he drools, he drips from the end of his penis and he sometimes scares me because I'm the nearest thing moving when he's aroused.

I wonder if I should just give up c/t with him, despite what others on the list say. There have been reports on the list of some animals that it doesn't work with, studies that have been done with all the behavioural accoutrement terms in which the end result does not meet expectations or the results of the other 99 percent.

Looking at this dispassionately it ain't happening. We were in the paddock and he was doing his usual stallion thing, I was giving him breaks, he was more or less mirroring me and he quit. And stayed quit. Finally I leaned down and removed his halter while he was eating. He didn't budge and only moved when I was in the yards. I am confident that if I was working with the other two we would be making progress by leaps and bounds. But not with him and the difference is the stallion arousal. And no respect. I can't believe he leaned over and gnawed my head!

Perhaps treating him like a horse with regular handling is the best option. Give him a carrot as a treat like I'd give any horse as a treat. Use a carrot as I always have as a reward for catching them in the paddock and give him some at the end of a ride or something but otherwise just give it up. We have no bond because our relationship is based on food. Not us as two beings coming together in a working relationship. I have to be boss. That's all there is to it. He has to respect my space and my person.

Balthazar has always been on the bottom of the pecking order. He does the foal chew with neck outstretched and head down when he feels he has to make himself non-threatening to the other horses. But he's always had a chew on their bum when he can get away with it. He did with Drifter, tried to do it with Freya but she kicked him and now he does it with Pagan and Dakota. Is it normal behaviour? I've seen Dakota do it when he was on the bottom but as soon as he had someone beneath him, Pagan, he quit.

so what do we do now? I've got a nice saddle and $400 worth o easy boots waiting for that illusory "invitation to ride" that I held up as a laudable and wonderful goal. I don't see it happening in this lifetime. It seems as though I'm going to have to do Parelli stuff or some version of NH using breaks or a pat on the neck as a reward.

Googled natural horsemanship and found a website of John O'Leary of south Australia. He's a horse trainer and gives Parelli credit for his seven games which everyone should know. He also gives hime credit for getting people started but says he isn't the end all and be all of horse training. He talks about Ray Hunt and Tom Dorrance and others but what really got me on his site was the problem I'm wrestling with now. I want to be buddies with Balthazar at the same time as having his respect. He talks about that, it is possible. A letter was written to Mr. O'Leary. I have quoted some of it below. Mr. O'Leary agrees with the writer 'Jack'. Jack is talking about herd dynamics and the difference between being a Boss and a Leader.

By the trainer acting as a Leader, but being free with praise and grooming for a job well done, has he (or she) become instead a "buddy", a trusted (and respected) companion the horse enjoys being with....Bosses generally only groom when they allow another horse back in the herd, after accepting a sincere and heartfelt apology for violating the rules. And I can't see them going over to a horse and saying "Well done" and giving a little love for behaving.
Is a Leader and Follower the best relationship you can have with a horse? Or is it a Partnership where each listens to the other and the horse happily accepts cues? Where each does his (or her) best for the other? A "mutual admiration society" with mutual trust and respect.
Yes, you need a horse to respect you and your space, and you need to do what is necessary to get it, but do you need to be a Leader? After you have respect do you need to be dominant, or is equal (with veto power) good enough?

I may be able to sleep now. Thinking about what is actually happening in front of me instead of what I want to be happen, it seems to me that c/t is not the way to go with Balthazar. A tense sexually excited horse is not going to learn or even be interested in learning or in being with me. The whole situation is entirely too fraught.

Have to admit I haven't been looking foward to working with Balthazar because of all of the above and especially because of the lack of progress. How many months now? Returning to what I do know with more study (and more observation!) perhaps we'll mkae some progress. He's a good horse. I bought him because of his kind eye. Kindness has not been there for a long time. It hasnn't been a mean evil expressionn either but the look of equine desire is not one I want to see in my companion horse.

33

Two sessions today. First one in a yard where we just worked on mirroring on his off side, not going forward and back but staying with me as I turned into him. Not too bad either. The second session was the same from his near side. Smelled manure on the way out. I just kept walking. The weight of the lead rope was all that was between us. I didn't walk to the end and pull or tug yet he still gave the manure up and walked up to me. Oh, started the session with the saddle pad again. Ears pinned. Wait, c/t when they relax. Went through that half a dozen times or more. He has no idea yet. His ears pinning like that shows just how much he hates the idea of being ridden. Won't go any further until he accepts the saddle pad with equanimity.

There was a horse and rider on the road. He looked at them, as expected but far more quickly than I expected he returned to work. I do think he's getting the idea of staying at my shoulder and starting to turn as I do. Having two sessions helps.

Afterwards went and sat on a stump in the yard. He smelled me over, still looking for carrots and even mouthed my hair but then started grazing. Thought he'd like his ears scratched but he wasn't in the mood at the time. A few minutes later I tried again on his other ear and he didn't mind. He's not a horse that likes being touched much although I did sneak in a hug of his neck.

Changed his feed, as I'd written earlier, to the Natural Horse by Pat Coleby. He's losing his summer coat and his winter coat is coming in. It's such a deep rich chestnut and still has a shadow of dappling on it. He looks really good.

32

Don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. He's still evading, still manure smelling and stopping to gaze fascinated into the distance at something only he can see. Perhaps I'm just lazy but I'm not going back again to just giving carrots and then carrots with a click. It's time to move on. So we just work through it. Did alot of wwylm (clicking with eye at my shoulder) and started working with me on the offside, the side he doesn't like so much. When he evaded I just waited at the end of the lead rope until he decided to try again. A couple of times it was quite a long wait. Still, persistence will pay off in the end. One day he's going to GET IT and realize it's okay. The mugging is nearly non-existent. Occasionally he puts his nose on or near me but I just swivel my body and he gives up. The stallion excitement ongoing but so what. I keep going. It's not that I don't trust Alexandra and her experience but I don't see the advantage of going back to the start over and over again. We make no progress and he's still no more into it than he was before we did as she suggested.

Also tried when attempting wwylm to walk into him so that he would turn with me. We'd start well and then he'd kind of stall but that's to be expected. Ultimately I want him to stay with me an arm's length away from either side. When I move he moves, when I stop he stops, when I turn he turns equally well from both sides.

Interesting thing tonight for as the end piece I asked for head down. Nothing. Waited, didn't say it again and was finally able to c/t when he dropped his head a fraction. Then he dropped it alot and I c/t'd over and over again. I could tell the pressure was getting to him - all those carrots! - for he started to eat grass but I just kept c/ting (and verbally cueing it to try and reinforce it). It's almost as though he's going to have to reach a crisis of some sort, working through these evasions as we are. I mean here he is getting carrots bang bang bang bang. He's overwhelmed and attempts to opt out by picking at grass but because his head is still down he's still getting the carrots which he eats. Jackpotted at the end for a nice back up. He didn't follow me back to the yards.